Breaking the Habit
by thegymrat
Summary: On the night of the new moon Inu-yasha has an important revelation. Set to the song Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park, one shot songfic. Flame if you wish, but please give input.


Disclaimer: Inuyasha is owned by Rumiko Takahashi, not by me. Breaking the Habit is owned by Linkin Park and Warner Bros. Records.   
  
Breaking the Habit  
  
A red robed figure burst forth from the shrine below only moments before it exploded. Arm held up to shield himself from smoke and heat he soared through the air with preternatural grace. Pulling his hand down to risk a look at the glowing orb in his hand a feral grin appeared upon his face. "Finally, a way to become all demon at last!"   
  
"Inu-yasha!" The hanyou whipped his head about at the sound of the voice, his feral grin changed quickly to horror as the arrow pierced his chest, slamming his back against a large tree. He reached desperately for the only thing left for him, the Shikon no Tama, as it fell from his grasp. As his heart stopped beating the hanyou managed to get out a few words before the end came, "Kikyo...you bitch...why?"  
  
  
  
(End flashback)  
  
Memories consume  
  
Like opening the wound  
  
I'm picking me apart again  
  
You all assume  
  
I'm safe here in my room  
  
[Unless I try to start again]  
  
Inu-yasha snarled and slammed his fist into the small tree in front of him, uprooting it with his strength. Here he was, only an hour or so before he became fully human, and already he was having these damned thoughts and emotions coming on so strong! He hated his human self for that. It wasn't a matter of feelings changing, it was a matter of barriers. In his half-demon form he didn't feel the emotions as strongly and he could guard against them better, when his demon blood raged making him a full-demon he felt no remorse, no pity, and certainly nothing like this.  
  
His mind was filled with Kikyo, filled with thoughts of what she had done to him, filled of how Naraku had pulled them apart, filled to bursting with pain and anguish not knowing how to make everything right. He wanted to avenge her and himself by killing Naraku, but he had sworn that he would be there for her, to help end her suffering.   
  
I don't want to be the one  
  
The battles always choose  
  
'Cause inside I realize  
  
That I'm the one confused  
  
Everything was only complicated by Kagome. She was always there, a reminded of what he had lost, a tantalizing image of what he could have, but Kikyo remained, his obligation remained. He had to help end Kikyo's suffering, but how could he do that and not hurt Kagome in the process? It made his feelings so damned mixed up! He felt something for Kagome, but he felt for Kikyo as well, but not exactly in the same manner. He groaned as his thoughts centered on his time with Kagome, always fighting, always yelling at each other, and always with him ending up sat by her.  
  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
  
Or why I have to scream  
  
I don't know why I instigate  
  
And say what I don't mean  
  
I don't know how I got this way  
  
I know it's not alright  
  
So I'm  
  
Breaking the habit  
  
I'm breaking the habit  
  
Tonight  
  
Slowly the hanyou's eyes drifted shut, letting the feeling of his change wash over him. It came quickly, the darkness spreading through his hair, his ears shifting down to the human position, his eyes changing color from amber to violet in minutes. The other changes, the more profound changes (at least in his opinion) took a few more minutes to come. There was no warning, no signs to prepare him, it simply happened.   
  
Emotion surged through him like waters through a flood-gate, emotions that he knew, and yet so powerful that they nearly overwhelmed him. He couldn't understand how humans could walk around every day like this, on the brink of exploding, shattered from within by the force of their own emotions. But Kagome did it, Sango did it, Miroku did it, Kaede did it, so maybe it was merely a matter of learning to suppress emotions, and not something natural for them. He knew that for many demons it was like that, but he considered himself one of the luckier breeds.   
  
Something changed within him this time, something that had never happened before, despite the number of times this had happened to him. For the first time in his entire life, he let go, he accepted the emotions as part of himself, let them become him, he didn't fight them, he just knew. It was a startling revelation for him, a revelation that would change him forever.   
  
Finally he knew what it was like to be human.  
  
Clutching my cure  
  
I tightly lock the door  
  
I try to catch my breath again  
  
I hurt much more  
  
Then anytime before  
  
I had no options left again  
  
To be human was to feel! It was to know without a shadow of a doubt that everything was real, that what you felt was not merely a mirage hiding in the shadows. To be human was to forever on the brink of losing oneself in that vast ocean of feelings and yet to still strive on, to meet the world face to face no matter what problems you might face. He could understand why Kagome reacted as she did whenever he did something stupid, or yelled at her. But that didn't excuse his own actions, it didn't make that better. He had to find out how to undo what he had done all those times as his normal self, and he had most of the night to reach the village from his cave and fix everything.  
  
I don't want to be the one  
  
The battles always choose  
  
'Cause inside I realize  
  
That I'm the one confused  
  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
  
Or why I have to scream  
  
I don't know why I instigate  
  
And say what I don't mean  
  
I don't know how I got this way  
  
I'll never be alright  
  
So I'm  
  
Breaking the habit  
  
I'm breaking the habit  
  
Tonight  
  
His time was running thin, it was taking longer then he had anticipated in his human body to make it through the reaches of the forest to the village. His body was slower and it tired far more easily. He realized that being a human was to be weak physically...and strong emotionally, and that was one of the things that gave Kagome, Sango, and Miroku power that was greater then most humans...because they used those emotions.   
  
Pain lanced through his side, his lungs ached for precious air, but he didn't have time for such things. He had to make it before he lost it all, he had to make it before he lost who he might be, but who he had never wanted to be. Feelings of victory swelled in his heart as he saw the figure at the edge of the forest, a figure that almost seemed to be waiting for him. He couldn't smell her sweet scent, and yet still he knew that it was Kagome, knew that the same emotions that drove him through the forest had driven her here, to meet him.  
  
I'll paint it on the walls  
  
'Cause I'm the one at fault  
  
I'll never fight again  
  
And this is how it ends  
  
"Kagome...I...I'm sorry for all the yelling I've done, I'm sorry for being such a jerk. I know I can't change what I've done in the past, but I beg you to forgive me. Its not something I can admit easily, but being human eases some of that pressure off of me, makes it easier for me to say what I mean. I can't hide my feelings as well in this form, I feel things so much stronger that it becomes impossible to hold back, and now I know that only by embracing those emotions can I show you what I mean before its to late and I'm my normal self again."  
  
Kagome stared up into his eyes, uncertainty brimming there. Inu-yasha had just apologized to her, and now he was saying how he had to show her how he felt. Did his human form change him so much that he could act like this, or had it always been suppressed only now coming free? If it was just his human side, what would happen when he returned to normal, how would he react to his own actions? Could his words really be considered true if they only came from his human half?  
  
"I don't understand Inu-yasha, what do you mean?"  
  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
  
Or why I have to scream  
  
But now I have some clarity  
  
To show you what I mean  
  
I don't know how I got this way  
  
I'll never be alright  
  
So I'm   
  
Breaking the habit  
  
I'm breaking the habit  
  
I'm breaking the habit  
  
Tonight!  
  
In response to her words Inu-yasha leaned down and slowly pressed his lips against hers. It was a short kiss, but one of love, one not of, but for understanding. He loved this girl, and though his other self would never admit it, that was how it was. He wouldn't let his damned stubbornness ruin things with his last chance at happiness.   
  
It was with great relucatance that Inu-yasha pulled his lips away from Kagome's. His trip through the forest had taken to long, and the rim of the sun was already beginning to show over the horizon, spreading its usually joyous rays of light in an uncharacteristically somber way. Already he could feel the emotions receeding, weakening, but he had done his job, the rest would be up to Kagome and his other self...hopefully he wouldn't have to intervene again...because he knew that if Kagome cared for any of them, it was his true self. He could only pray that tonight would break through his demon blood's barrier, and let the truth be known.   
  
As the night faded and day took its place, Inu-yasha's hanyou shape returned, and with it his emotions dimmed. There was something he had been going to tell Kagome, but now it was all slipping away.   
  
"Inu-yasha...I love you." His eyes widened in shock at her words...and he knew.  
  
"Keh. You know how I feel, no reason to get all mushy over anything." Kagome smiled at the hanyou, knowing that his words were the closest to saying 'I love you too', that she would get from this side of the demon boy. But it was good enough...for now.  
  
_____________________________________________  
  
Author's Note: Woo! I've been wanting to get that written and up for a few weeks now, ever since I got Meteora. I was listening to it and in the middle of Breaking the Habit I suddenly realized that it fit extermely well with Inu-yasha and Kagome, primarily over their screaming matches. So I decided for the first time I would do this sort of thing. Flame if you wish, but please, give me your opinion about this. 


End file.
